Today, I met someone for coffee that I really don't know that well. I mentioned that K was at home with the kids and then later mentioned that his house is actually close to her house. It seems so normal to me most of the time that I forget that the rest of the world thinks our living arrangements are weird.
She said " How do you live apart like that? My husband lived away and only visited on weekends for two months and that was hard!"
I felt liked I'd been punched, Our whole marriage when I'd confide in people, I'd hear a lot of things.
- "That's normal for YOU and that's what matters."
- "He's just being a man."
- "He just wants you to take care of him. That's your job."
- "Things aren't really like that when you are married. You are expecting too much (a fairytale)."
- "At least he's really nice."
I tried to take all of the advice in. I stuffed my feelings inside but all around me, I hear and see the truth. I see the way that couples look at each other. I hear conversations amongst friends about their marriages. I can hear the love in their voices as spouses talk about each other. It's really amazing that even when friends' complain about their husbands, the love they have for each other shines through anyway. It really can't be hidden and I wouldn't want them to. I have children and I want them to see these things. I want them to see the way things should be and not what a situation prevents me from having with their father.
Lots of people LAT for different reasons. In my case, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want what those other couples have. I'm not sharing anything I haven't told K a million times.